#the noble and most ancient house of black incorrect quotes

[outromoony]

Sirius: You can trust me! Let's not forget who pulled you out of the lake when you were six.

Regulus: Let's not forget who pushed me in.

[loserboyfriendrjl]

regulus: sirius, how does one confess to the person they are infatuated with?

sirius: you just go for it? just tell them i love you and if that doesn't do the trick, do something nice for them

regulus: okay thank you i'm going to do just that with your best friend now

sirius: what

regulus: what

[yourgalgremlin]

Fleamont Potter who makes a plan the day he takes in Sirius Black as his own son in 1975.

Fleamont Potter who waits until James makes Regulus his son-in-law to make a heartwarming “father-of-both-grooms” speech at their wedding reception.

Fleamont Potter who leaves said wedding reception to go find Orion Black in his swanky members-only billiards hall—saying:

“Hello, my name is Fleamont Potter. You abused my kids, Sirius & Regulus. They’re fine now, but the same can’t be said for you.”

& then breaks Orion’s kneecap in with his own pool cue.

[The vision]

[moutainrusing]

Walburga: Sirius, you need to stop liking feminine things.

Orion: Yes, son, you need to like more masculine things.

Sirius: *starts liking men*

Walburga and Orion, voices cracking: tHAT’S nOT wHAT wE mEANT—

[theprongspotter]

Regulus: Shut the door when you leave my room.

Sirius: Okay.

Sirius: *sprints out of Regulus’ room, leaving the door wide open*

[lilyofthevalleyys]

Sirius at an award show: First of all, I would like to thank Regulus, my brother, for telling me I wasn’t going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech. From the bottom of my heart, most sincerely, fuck you Reg.

[siriuslyinlovewithwolfstar]

sirius: I don’t need therapy. i’m completely fine!

remus: then tell me why you cried for one hour and then proceeded to lay in bed the whole day after listening to family line by conan gray

sirius:

[mezsygfs]

what IFFFF instead of sirius leaving regulus, regulus BEGGED sirius to get out. sirius was dying and he refused to die without his brother near him so he tried to refuse when regulus told him to go but then regulus pretended to turn on sirius. "I hate you" type shit so sirius left. really angsty shit ya know. CANON OR NOT WHO GIVES A FUCK NOTHING FROM THE MARAUDERS IS CANON I JUST THOUGHT THATS BE A COOL IDEA FOR EXTRA ANGST IN A FIC.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Walburga: You are not good enough for my son.

Remus: You’re not good enough for your son.

Walburga: Excuse me?

Remus: You heard me.

[marauderstars]

Walburga: If you don’t do as we say you’ll be asked to leave this house.

Sirius: Don’t threaten me with a good time.

[outromoony]

Regulus: If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with two people is called a twosome, I guess we know why people call you handsome.

Sirius: ...

[deathnguts]

Bellatrix: they’ll send you to Durmstrang, where the bullies will fuck you.

Sirius: …

Narcissa: … and they make you shave your head

Sirius: but my hair defines me!!

[yourgalgremlin]

Not the Black family trauma 🫠

[moutainrusing]

James: What if you press the brake and the gas at the same time?

Sirius: The car takes a screenshot.

Regulus: For the last time. Can both of you get the fuck out of my car?

[theprongspotter]

Regulus: You’re a failure.

Sirius: Yeah, but unlike you, I’m okay with that.

-

c: @promptsforthestrugglingauthor

[lilyofthevalleyys]

*Sirius fucks something up*

Regulus: Now why would you do that???

Remus: Well, he’s not the brightest star in the sky

Regulus:

Sirius:

Sirius: Did

Sirius: Did you just-